Thursday, 29 January 2009

Serenity

No not the movie, though it is an awsome movie.

I need it. My Nana had a fake book thing in her house. It was on a table near the doorway. I used to like to look at it. I liked what it had on it, and it looked neat. That was the first place I saw the Serenity Prayer, and I didn~t really understand what serenity meant. Then I learned however much later. I have an angel in my closet with it on there now. And there have been times I prayed it almost like a mantra. I always thought I needed more courage.

This is how it goes if you don~t know it:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


I might have written about it before, I don~t remember. This has been another month where I find myself praying that several times a day, cause I just need it. I~m finding I understand why it~s the Serenity Prayer and not the Courage Prayer. I~ll take a leap just about wherever and hope I land somewhere that doesn~t destroy me. And if I do, I~ll deal with it and survive. Changing things is the easy part in there - if any of it can be considered easy. It~s the wisdom and serenity part I have trouble with. Wisdom is a given with me. I pray for it, but I know there~s not much there. Lack of serenity is probably why I end up beating myself up about stupid things and can be discontent when by all rights I should be enjoying my life and dealing with the curveballs without falling on my face.


Anyway, that~s my prayer again this morning - the serenity part in particular. That and an added `help me lower my pride a notch cause I~m on a fast road to hurting myself.`

My medicine is making me feel weird. It~s like I~m buzzed on caffeen and haven~t slept in a week. Being as sick as I am is making this extra hard to deal with. And the guy next to me is about to get my elbow in his ribs. *sigh*

Any tips on how to make a cat open his mouth. I know on a dog, but that doesn~t seem to work and I have to give Soushi anti-biotics. Oh and apparently neutered cats can still mate. Ew and huh? First chance I get....meaning as soon as I save the money...Ophelia~s getting bits removed, cause that is not something I want to wake up to. Ew.


I~m hoping today turns out better than yesterday though, cause yesterday sucked.

Oops

It seems resistance to being pushed all over the school is not appreciated..even after I made a point of talking to one boss about this last week. I pissed off other boss...lord knows which is actually my boss...today. To be fair I was shaking in anger first. But now she wants a meeting with me tomorrow. Crap. Would they fire me? Possibly. Will I be okay? Hopefully...if I ignore my loans. Job is looking promising by April....


I really don~t want to deal with this right now. This month has been a nightmare at work and the only good to come of it are my cats. Big good actually. But angry to the point of shaking and almost crying. Not that they care. Nor do they know or even care if I~m a good teacher or not. I made waves. Oops. Surprised it~s taken this long for this `meeting.`

Now I~m forced to wear a mask waiting to see a doctor because wonder of wonders I~m sick again. I hate my breath blowing back at me. I want to go home and cuddle my kitties, make sure soushi~s okay, and go to bed. I don~t want to deal with stuff right now. I just don~t.

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

my babies

Taking over my bed.....

gahh! poor baby!

Soushi~s lost his voice from howling for 2 days at the vet.... my poor baby.


Then he puked. *sobby face* I feel horrible.


But they won~t give me back my bed! grr It~s cute though. Ophelia follows Soushi to the litter box even. And though last night when I tugged at my blankets she fled in terror...between the two of them I don~t think I~m getting that part of my bed back....too bad it~s smack in the middle.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

going on about my kitties

Souji is the sweetest little guy ever!

Last night when I went to bed he was curled up at my feet and he started hugging -if cats can hug- my foot. He had his head on top and front paws on either side and he was squeezing a little. Then around 3 I guess he had to use the bathroom or something cause I heard him half tumble down the ladder and then I woke up to the most pathetic yowl a little while later. When I looked over the edge he was looking up at me and meowed a little less pathetically. So I carried him back up and he curled up next to me.


He makes me smile. Ophelia~s so much cuter - she cuddles when I can manage to catch her - but Souji~s just such a sweet cat. I can~t believe I wasn~t going to keep him.

I need to get different litter. The orange stains their paws and I think Ophelia is playing in it...or she~s just too little and digging too deep.


I~ve been exhausted most of this week. The flu~s going around work. Well the kids so far. And yesterday they moved me to two different class rooms THEN had the nerve to touch me! The one administrator walked in saying ~Oh! We have a helper!~ and rubbed my shoulder. I wanted to haul off and hit her. Instead I calmly looked at her and said ~Yeah. I need to talk to you about that.~ Then proceeded to unload, respectfully, on her as to why, exactly, I was angry. A lot to do with getting pushed out of my classroom for the last 3 weeks. Her excuse was that I~m the only one qualified. Which is bull. They just hired a guy who~s supposed to do that. And all I did was help one kid in a class of 13 which apparently the teacher there can~t handle on her own. I don~t mind helping out once in a while but I~m at the end of my patience. I got a half-assed apology and told that today I~d be in my class again. They can move someone else today. I don~t care. I~m done. They can respectfully shoveit.


But I got to go home to sweet kitties yesterday and I honestly forgot about that till I got on the train today. I have a couple of jobs I~m chasing. Here~s praying I get one and can not worry about these loonies again.

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Meet my kitties!

The dark one is Souji - though Kouta insists it~s pronounced Soushi...jury~s still out. The white one is Ophelia.


Souji is a puppy trapped in a kitten~s body. He can~t climb...and he~s a touch on the side of dumb. But he looks at you as though he were human. And he~s so happy to see me when I get home that he meows and bumps against my legs until I pick him up and cuddle.

Ophelia~s still a baby. She~s rediculously skittish but as soon as you get your hand close enough to pet her she melts into purrs. She was supposed to be a he...but she~s not...so she~s living in a rabbit cage until Souji becomes an it.


I~m still not sure how exactly that mistake happened. But she~s adorable and mine. Hehe. Well. At least for a month.


I~m really looking forward to bed.

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

yay!

Seat after one stop! That~s never happened before!

I forgot dinner last night and I woke up late again today...my rice ball I made isn~t gonna cut it. Convini breakfast it is......ew.....

um...no...

Does somebody want to explain to me how this is diserving of the title ゛breaking news゛ and an email to my phone??

゛Jobs Taking Leave From Apple for Health Reasons゛

Breaking news.


Don~t we have something better to care that much about?

Cancel the fourth

On the grounds that the woman thinks I forged the copy of the apartment pet agreement that I showed her. This after I said I~m showing her that because I can~t read my contract enough to find the bit about pets. I had to have the ageant verbally explain it to me.

I can~t believe the nerve of people! And I hate to say that all these women are only serving to further lower my already increadably low opionion of Japanese women.

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Saturday, 10 January 2009

again

I~m having a bad day.

Cat issue

So, I was supposed to meet cats today, and then the lady decided that because I'm not Japanese I wasn't a good choice for the cats.... She then proceeded to tell me that she would help me find an older cat so that I didn't have to worry about it living for so long. I was not happy with her. Especially since people in this country for the most part treat animals like prada bags, and vets refuse to help injured strays, and there are no real shelters. They kill animals caught within 3 days. I'm sorry, I will proudly say I am American and we treat our animals like part of the family. We don't "throw them away" when they get older or we get bored with them. The word for "stray" here is "thrown away."

Anyway, I was really upset, and now I'm nervous about getting what I want, so I'm stuck. I supposed to go see kitties tomorrow, but they're not really "what I want." They're more, "what I can get without a hassle or risk of getting nothing." And I'm wondering if that's a bad plan. The one I really want I can go see next week. One I also want is coming to visit Monday. I wish I wasn't so scared of the same thing happening again as with what happened with the other kitty. And I've realised I now really want two. Well, I sorta wanted two before, but now I REALLY want two. Probably because I was told I couldn't have one.

And now I'm just frustrated. I know I shouldn't go tomorrow if it's not what I really want. I'm pretty sure the woman coming on Monday will be leaving her cat with me. She sounds pretty desperate to give him away because she's pregnant and due in 2 months. She initially wanted me to go see her, but then she changed her mind and said she'd come see me so please meet her cat. And I partly was planning on getting the little black kitten's sister (the one they told me I couldn't have) and keeping her for Lindsey. And that's what I kinda want to do with the kitties tomorrow, but guh. I'm frustrated. I wish my apartment was a little bigger. As it is if I clean it there's enough room. People live in smaller with more animals.

I don't know. I need to actually talk this out with somebody, cause it really bothers me. Partly probably because I got so upset the other day - I screamed and sobbed for a good 2 hours..... My head was all funny. Now I know it's gonna bug me unless I get what I want. It's childish of me, but it's really bothering me. And I really don't know what to do. I should just cancel the meeting tomorrow, but I'd feel a little guilty.... don't really know why. Gah! Ok, I'm gonna call somebody and bug them about this so I can actually TALK to someone instead of write it.

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

huh

Only here would owners regularly wipe their dogs butt.

too fast

I haven~t had time to so much as breathe since I got back. Aside from work there~s just so much going on. It~s only Tuesday and I feel like it~s been at least a week. Job hunt is in full swing. Same with cat hunt. I have an interview tomorrow and I~m going to meet kitties on Saturday. I was hoping to go home and finish packing tonight but now with the interview tomorrow I have to find non kindergarten teacher clothes that aren~t full of wrinkles and go to the net cafe to print my resume and check out the company.


And at some point this weekend I~m making the treck out to Ikea to look for a desk.


I haven~t started studying for the kanji kentei. I have no idea when I~m gonna get to that. And next week sometime I want to look at the language school Jen was talking about. I need to write out what I want to do for my masters so by next month I can start visiting universities. I need to study for level 1 now...and I can~t find the series I used for 2 and I really liked it. That bit is going on the assumption that I passed 2.


I~m so glad this weekend is a 3 day. And I was informed today that I~m no longer working late on Tuesdays. I~m too relieved to be annoyed. It~s extra money though that I could have used. Oh well. I~m looking for a new job anyway. It~s wierd to think that I need to look for work with the mindset of working there for a year or so. Or at least more than a few months. I really want out of schools that are batty and cultish. I~d like a real school. ALT or something. I need to call and bug the one ALT recruiting company...Thursday. *sigh*


I hope I can get to Ikea on Saturday before seeing the kittens. I want Sunday to just chill. I feel like I~ve been running non stop since my plane landed. It~s not bad.....just busy. And I don~t have the energy to do all this and what I want to do. So those want-to-do things get absorbed into sleep. Then I feel like that sleep time really didn~t exist.

I want a cat.

Sunday, 4 January 2009

I live

My arms and lungs hate me for carrying two giant things up a crap ton of stairs and then up and down hills though.

And my heater has to warm up to turn on. How dumb is that!


No new residents in my room so far though. Haven~t checked the loft yet. Too cold.

I have to go get groceries now. Bring on the falling apart tennis shoes! (no more not yet broken in dr martins today.....pain) I look rediculous. Cammo pants. Tennis shoes. Tshirt with giant music notes covered by gray sweatshirt covered in news print.

Oh yeah.

Oh. Heater turned on finally.

I~m not picking up my bass again today. Oh but TSA cut the duct tape and didn~t replace it. They lied to me this morning. I even asked before I taped it. Grr.


My hands don~t want to move any more. I have to get them to carry home my groceries yet so I think I~m gonna be nice to them.