Wednesday, 30 July 2008

rollercoaster

i was doing so good. i had the best weekend since i got here. it was amazing and i really thought i would wake up and be able to keep moving forward.

but i woke up not feeling anything. and then i had to argue myself off the train at my station. and now i~m back to crying in the bathroom again.


this is stupid. i know why i~m crying but it shouldn~t be so hard to stop and just do my job. it shouldn~t be so hard to just be okay. i~m never just okay. i~m either so happy or crying. i~m either bouncing off the walls or trying to crawl back into bed.


i keep hearing someones comment last time lindsey left that i look like i lost my best friend. i nearly cried when that was said and mom had to answer for me. everytime i hear that in my head i start crying again. i wonder if i look that bad today. i should put makeup on but it~ll just smudge.

i need to go eat while i have the time. i need to pull myself together before my adult classes start.

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