Saturday, 29 March 2008

MSI ticket

My ticket isn't here yet. Yuko had the forethought to send registered mail (Thank you!!!) and it's been in Troy since 5AM Thursday and why isn't it here now!? *freak out moment*

Thursday, 27 March 2008

I don't wanna live in a hotel.......

They said I was an addition, rather than a replacement. Grr. They really need to get their acts together.

I've heard that you'll be spending the first week at a hotel near your school. Of course, this will be paid for by GEOS. Then, you'll move into the previous teacher's apartment. We've been pestering the trainer for the address. He's promised to send it by the end of this week. That's just one more day, so it should be here by tomorrow. Sorry for the hassle.

Er?? Wonderful. I really could have used to know that either a week ago, or not today.

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Pardon me while I FREAK OUT!


Okay, actually, I'm way better than I was... oh... about a half hour ago. I finished my packet (which was due a week and a half ago) and sent it away. So now I can refocus on somehow managing the mess that has eaten my room and gah! I only have four days left!

That's a freaky thought.

I really had no clue what I was doing while making the lessons for that packet I just did. Zero confidence right now, but I know if they show me how to do it, I'll learn. Just, guh, that was frustrating. I'm terrified of blank stares. Really really not sure what I'd do. I hope I don't make a horrible teacher. I may not make the best, but I'd like to be good..... I like to do a good job, even if I'm not really certain I'm going to suit the job, or like the job, or anything, I still want to do it well.

Ok, really need to crack down on the mess.

Friday, 21 March 2008

That just hit me...

And now suddenly I'm terrified. I'm scared that things are going to be way different. I'm scared that I'm going to leave, and when I come back here it's going to be different again. I'm scared that people I love aren't going to be around when I come back. I'm scared I'm never going to see my dog again. I'm scared that my friends who I care about are going to forget about me. I'm scared that I'm going to end up coming back broke with my tail between my legs. I'm scared that someone's going to come along and prove to me that I'm really just an arrogant idiot. I'm scared that I'm not going to have any friends. I'm scared that my coworkers are going to hate me. I'm scared that my students are going to find me inadequate. I'm scared that I'm missing something important that's right in front of my face. I'm scared that the people here who I care about are thinking that I don't love them because I'm leaving. I'm scared that I'll never see them again and there will always be that fear that they thought I didn't love them.

Funny. I'm not scared of the plane. I'm not scared that I won't find my way around. I'm not scared that I'll go hungry or by some fluke not have a place to live.

But I just can't shake the rest of the fear. Everytime I really think that I'm actually leaving again, I panic, and I stop thinking about it. Tonight I just can't not think about it, and I guess this was the panic I've been trying not to feel. It's aweful.

Saturday, 8 March 2008

Cloud of Sparrows

My biggest question is why a Zen master is spouting Pure Land blessings......... This confuses me... but then again all of the Buddhism in this book, as well as every Japanese person, is apparently Pure Land Buddhist.

Anyway, it's good. I enjoyed it. It's not particularly well written, but there was a charm to it that kept me reading. Partly it made me laugh, a lot. It follows Genji who is a lesser Daimyo of 1861 Japan, which is why I got the book because I like that era. I haven't read any English literature about it yet, so that was ... interesting. I don't know that it counts though. The author has a purely Japanese name. I don't know if he's Japanese or his parents are.

Anyway, it also follows Emily and Matthew who are following a missionary to Japan. The missionary is shot within an hour of stepping onto Japanese soil.... which I really can't see what purpose that served except as plot device because Emily and Matthew needed a fanatical leader to bring them to Japan, but the man was obnoxious in the soap-box hell-and-damnation boardwalk preacher/televangelist sort of way. I was dreading the book with him in it, to be honest. Anyway, as annoying as the two Americans were in the beginning, a good number of the scenes with them in it were purely hysterical.

There were a lot of themes that were done to death, and massive amounts of cliche characters and relationships (Daimyo/Ninja-Geisha for one) that require a classification of Samurai love story of the black-and-white B movie variety. But the laughs were worth the five bucks. I don't think I'll be reading the sequal though. I'm mildly curious, but something about the obvious set-ups in the writing style just grated on me.

There was even the bit about the first fallen tear caught in the hand looking like a diamond. Eesh. Cause we didn't see that coming.

Friday, 7 March 2008


That was probably the eeriest book I've ever read - mostly because, while it would take pretty much World War 3 to get there, I can see it happening. The main character, Winston Smith, was simply believable. And the whole thing was very well written, I thought. Big Brother scares me. Actually, not so much Big Brother as O'Brien and the Thought Police. Mostly O'Brien. Mostly the fact that he doesn't just let you die or fake believing in Big Brother. He makes you learn Doublethink and Crimestop, and love Big Brother, then he lets you die, or he lets you live like that. Either way, he doesn't let you out until you're no longer your own person. Most of the book was Winston's struggle to keep the Party out of his head, but in the end it was the Thought Police who almost set him up to betray the Party so they could get into his head.

At any rate, it's a creepy book, but one I'm really glad I read. I can't believe it's taken me this long to get around to reading it. But I couldn't put it down. I'd say it's up there on my list of best books, but I don't know that I'll be able to read it again for a long time, just because the type of story doesn't lend itsself to being read over and over. Unless I was in a lit class. That could be fun to do in a lit class with an intelligent professor and maybe 5 intelligent classmates. I'm so glad we never read that book for lit though. hehe.