My New Procrastination is Visiting Fitness Websites...

My to days of emotional explosions over the weekend, 1) were probably very needed as apparently a lot was bothering me that I was ignoring [see last post re: earthquake] and 2) really are going to bite me in the butt this week.  I did manage to get the paper done that was due today, a book report on Commodore Perry and the Opening of Japan.  Unfortunately, I do not get to add that to my book count yet...hehe?  I'll have to finish it over the summer.  I won't bore you with the list of my assignments, tests, and presentations this week, but needless to say... I'm so not ready.

It's okay though, cause I still have four hours to finish the first assignment!  (For the record, I really hate cutting it this close...)

So, off the subject of school, I've resumed the good old calorie counting and busting my butt at the gym as a means of "dieting."  I hate that word though.  Anything you eat is your diet, so why does dieting mean eating special foods to lose weight?  Anyway, I'm tracking on two websites.  On loseit.com I am tracking food calories and calories burned from exercises.  I'm aiming for 1200/day, but apparently, according to the USDA's website, I eat too much fruit.  I thumb my nose at that one, there is no such thing!  The other one is fitocracy, and I may have plugged both of these before, but they're pretty awesome sites.  I'm currently level 13, and it's always pleasing after a workout to see the "points" that I "earned," especially on days like last Wednesday when I earned 1622 points.  I only earned 650 today, but I didn't do all the strength training.  Still, it's gratifying.

Measuring portions, however, sucks.  The picture to the side is actually more than one "serving" of pasta, because 3/4 cup of dry penne is not enough for a meal... so I added 1/3 cup and don't ask me to total that.  I remember how to add fractions, but I find them bothersome and therefore generally just put in different entries. :P  But the sauce is one serving, 1/3 cup, and so is the parmesan cheese, 1 tbsp.  That last one is the only pleasing one, though I suppose if I had only used 3/4 cup of pasta then it would have had enough sauce, but seriously, that was just disappointing.  I'm full though, so that's at least good, and I know to measure my pasta now before I cook it because I tend to just dump it in the pot from the box based on how hungry I am.

I am also back on an iced green tea kick.  Kirkland imports Ito-en tea bags, which is amazing cause Oi-ocha is what I drank like water pretty much every day in warm weather for four years and if I had known this last summer, oh man, I would have been far less bummed out by the heat.  Anyway, they sell it at Costco in packs of 100.  It takes about 6 tea bags to make a pitcher of iced tea.  If you're going to make it, I cannot stress enough, don't follow the directions on the pack!! They're wrong!  Don't let the water reach boiling and don't let it steep more than 30-40 seconds.  Actually for iced tea I don't pour the extra powder in either because it makes the bottom of the pitcher funky after a day or so.  A great bonus, in 8 oz of Ito-en bottled green tea you get 140% of your daily value of vitamin C.  I don't have the box anymore to check the tea bag information, but I believe it's the same.  Also, according to WebMD (and popular opinion, at least in Japan), unfermented tea leaves, i.e. green tea, helps control weight.  It also has zero calories, unless you're putting other crap things in it, like honey or lemon juice.  Drink it straight and it's amazing for you.  I also, personally, really like the flavor, but I'll admit, it's an acquired taste.  It took me a couple months of drinking the dark (stronger) Oi-ocha to be able to really enjoy the lighter one.  I did that on purpose though, cause I really didn't like it when I first moved to Osaka.  But it really does grow on you.  And really, it tastes so much better if you don't follow the directions and only steep it for 30 seconds.  Those are the directions you get on bags of tea, lose or bagged, in Japan.  I really don't know why they say 2-3 minutes here.  It's bitter and just downright nasty in my opinion.  Of course they also add citrus juices, honey, and other sweeteners to green tea, which also makes me gag.  I go for Lipton Pureleaf Unsweetened when I'm out and want iced tea.  Though there are two really depressing things about this.  1) www.liptonpureleaf.com/our_teas/unsweetened.php redirects to a facebook page @__@, and 2) it's $1.89 at the shops where I've seen it, which is $0.30 more than soda.  Go figure. >_>

And that's enough procrastinating for now.  My paper is due in 3.5 hours now, so I should probably get going on that... after I pour myself some iced tea. ^__^

March 11 - A Year Later

I was just looking at my readership chart, and I noticed a peak on March 11.  I stayed away from my computer on March 11.  My boyfriend took me to the park and we hiked.  I needed to be outside and away from the news.  I guess for me, because I wasn't there as the country was picking itself up and putting itself back together, March 11 is a day of destruction.  I don't want to see reminders.  I don't know why the news glories in showing now-and-then pictures.  We know what it looked like.  I haven't really been able to look close enough at the pictures to see the "now," but it's good to know they're rebuilding.  Still... it's hard to think about.  I wonder how many of those who checked my blog were checking last year's posts about the earthquake.  I find it a little morbid, but I can't fault anyone for being curious.  And it didn't hit me until a couple days after the quake, so I'm sure my post sounds like a complete different person.  I haven't read it since.  My thoughts turn back there and it's like a door slams down in my mind, my chest tightens up, and I start to cry... so I just don't.  I wish I could have done something in remembrance... I wanted to, but I couldn't bring myself to.

Sometimes I wonder if I would still feel this horrible about it if I had stayed longer and been a part of the rebuilding.  When I left Tokyo, a month after the quake, there were still power shortages, radiation warnings, and earthquakes every hour or so.  I was still in survival mode and angry at everyone who was worried about the city and safety.  I was mad at the expats who were taking off and embarrassed that, because I was leaving so soon after, people would think that I was just leaving because everyone else was.  I still feel guilty about that.  I didn't mean to leave all those people behind.  It's not like I could have done much... but that doesn't make me feel less guilty.  I wanted to go to Sendai and help out, but I was in the middle of moving and accumulating debt just to get home... but I still feel guilty for not going to help.  It's stupid really.  My bosses at Iriso thought three months should have been enough time for me to get over all of it, disciplined me for going home early the day Michigan had an earthquake and I had a flashback.  Maybe it should have been.  It's been a year, and I'm a little more in control than I was when I moved back last April, but only because I've kept myself too busy to dwell on anything.  I'm not constantly clenching every muscle in my body anymore or raging and freaking out at traffic, but the last time I got caught in a traffic jam in January I got to my mom's house, hugged her, and cried.  Improvement is improvement, but I feel like I should be improving faster.  I feel like the world has moved on, Sendai is still that far off place, and scientists are more interested in the robots used at the power plant than anything else.

I wonder if things will ever be like they were a year ago, if I'll ever go a day without some kind of reminder, if I'll ever let March 11 slip by without thinking about what happened... if I'll ever be able to think about any of this and not cry.  I miss my friends.  No one I know directly died in the disaster, only one acquaintance of one of my friends, but I did lose a couple of good friends afterward.  I was angry, and maybe they were too.  We were probably all scared and didn't know it.  I've tried to get in touch with them again, but I guess it's not meant to be.  I miss them though.  It's selfish to say, but of everything that's changed in my life since then, even how messed up my health has been, that's what I hate the most.    I want my friends back.

New Month of Awesome Things and What I Learned From Fiction

Statement of fact number 1: I hate Safari.
Statement of fact number 2: This post will be shorter (possibly) and may contain more anti-Safar/I-hate-Apple-comments than the previous version which was deleted by Safari.
Statement of fact number 3: Google and Apple should just go into a room, beat the crap out of each other, and get over it so we can all use computers and technology nicely together.  GRRR!

Moving on, I am now typing this on my very noisy dinosaur of a laptop which I want to throw across the room.  I hate Apple.

Right, I was moving on.  Less irritated at Apple fact dump time.  My book count now stands at 5/24.  I officially accepted U-M's offer.  I'm thoroughly frustrated with my fitness goals and complete lack of progress.  I am very excited for summer, even though it means I have to move and I don't really know what's going to happen with everything.

Books (Yay for keyboard short-cuts actually working with Google's interface! Stupid Apple)
John Dies at the End:  I'm not entirely sure how to describe this other than it was the worst written book that I've ever so thoroughly enjoyed.  The plot was barely existent, and (I almost poked my screen to correct a typo.... amazing how fast habits can change) the writing was complete crap, but I haven't laughed so hard or been so thoroughly creeped out by a book in a long time.  I wouldn't read it again, but I appreciated the ride once.  Apparently it's getting released as a movie soon.  The website sold me on reading the book.  The movie may be creepier than the book since most of the humor was in the writing, and the humor really broke up (and yet somehow added to) the overall creepiness.  The end was dumb, but I'm going to argue that the stupid ending was intentional as that seemed to fit in with the writing style.  I don't know if this is a trend or just something I noticed.  Chronicle had a similar atmosphere to it, mixing sci-fi/supernatural with plain old reality.  The kids in Chronicle smacked themselves in the face with stuff, John and David noticed an owl mid-conversation, commented on it, looked, and continued driving.  Fiction usually plays out neater than that.  It's refreshing for it not to sometimes, though it really changes the atmosphere of the story.

The Making of England to 1399: Yes, I read this entire textbook, cover to cover.  As far as textbooks go, it was actually quite good.  The narrative was down to earth, the authors actually had an understandable sense of humor, and it was pretty easy to follow all things considered.  That's not to say it was amazingly exciting or anything.  The Hundred Years' War only got a couple of pages and a good chunk of that was on its economic and political implications.  It seems like history is mostly economics and politics... I get why "social studies" degrees require the two.  I certainly understand the necessity of knowing the political and economic background of a given point in history, but I personally am more interested in the military aspects, technologies, cultures, and just people in general.  I can certainly forgive a survey textbook its focus on politics and economics, but I do get bored and frustrated when closer studies spend the whole time focused on them.  I'm currently reading Commodore Perry and the Opening of Japan and so far it's all economics.  Gag me.  Anyway, I spent a good deal of time giggling and having "Now I get it!" moments as bits fell into place.  For as much as I've spent days of my life (probably more like weeks or months) reading and watching movies that are either medieval historical or medieval fantasy or written during the middle ages, I really didn't know that much about England's history prior to 1600.  So it's been enlightening.

Now I get it!
#1
Why the English and French were always fighting: Because the English king was a French vassal.  Duh.  The Duke of Normandy (a chunk of land in northern France) invaded England and took the English throne.  He had a claim to it, but he also got it by right of conquest.  This would be William the Conqueror or William I.  Problem?  He was still the Duke of Normandy and thus still under the French king.  There's the root of that, and then add to it later claims to the French throne by English kings, some legitimate.  Henry V's really wasn't, but his claim to the English throne was hardly legitimate.  Anyway.

#2
Anglo-Insert-something-here: Angles = Germanic people who settled in England.  Saxons = another group of Germanic people who settled in England.  Anglo-Saxon = when the two got together, though as I understand it the Saxons were the dominant groups.  Therefore Anglo-Saxon does not equal Celtic, who actually have ties to France and are not the same as the Picts, who the Romans never managed to actually beat.  Normans = Germanic people who settled in Normandy and became French people.  Anglo-Norman = the ruling elite after William the Conqueror.

#3
The jump from incomprehensible Anglo-Saxon to mostly understandable Middle English (Beowulf to Chaucer): The Anglo-Norman elite wrote everything in French or Latin for a couple hundred years.  By the time "English" became the language of the elite it was more like the English we know now.

#4
The historical background of Aelfric's Colloquy and Alfred the Great:  Alfred the Great was the most educated of the Anglo-Saxon kings.  This will make more sense if you've ever read Aelfric's Colloquy or care about Anglo-Saxon literature.  I'm a nerd.  I won't bore you with this one.

#5
Barons and yeoman and gentry, oh my!: This is another one that I don't think I should bore you with, but I'm very excited to know all the different ranks and how they came about and why barons are different than knights and what yeoman are compared to peasants.  .... ^__^  (Barons were the big guys, in 1436 only 51 total.  Knights/gentry were below them, about 2% of the population and actually made the government machinery work.  Yeoman were basically wealthy peasants who owned their own land.  Peasants were farmers.)

A pox on the phony king of England!♪♪
Props if you know that one.  I was sad to learn my boyfriend did not... he won't let me sit him down and watch it. T__T  His loss.

Anyway, I'm excited about how much pop culture ties in with history right now.  Okay, maybe not pop culture in the Justin What-ever-his-name-is sense of the word, but I'm talking books, movies, cartoons, that sort of thing.  In specific, King Arthur, Robin Hood, The Lord of the Rings, A Game of Thrones, and Braveheart.

I've talked about Arthurian fiction before, and though I didn't tag all of the posts a surprising number of hits come up for "Arthur" under the "books" tag.  One day I'll organize it all and make a sensible presentation of it.  I just have to say, it all makes sense now.  Okay, that was the theme of the last section, but seriously, it all makes sense now, and I was just about spot on with the anachronisms (things out of time) I've spotted in every single depiction of Arthur.  I linked to the 2004 movie because it is probably the closest to the time period in which Arthur would have actually lived, if indeed he actually existed.  Though really the only redeeming quality of that movie is guys in leather armor beating the crap out of each other.  And Hadrian's Wall (the real reason I linked it.  Also... WANT TO GO!!!).

I like Hadrian's Wall.  It has a lot to do with the Romans and the Picts, less to do with King Arthur, but hey, it worked in the movie.  It also makes a stunning appearance in A Game of Thrones.  George Martin actually did an interview in which he discussed something like this with Bernard Cornwell.  Back story for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, George Martin = the author of A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) and Bernard Cornwell = historical fiction author who has done quite a lot of medieval fiction.  Okay, they didn't talk so much about taking actual places and events and making fantasies about them, but they did talk about historical accuracy.  Anyway, I had some grins and giggles about The Wall during Game of Thrones as it is very definitely a beautiful version of Hadrian's Wall.  Then I read The Making of England, and learned about the Lancasters (the duke of Lancaster would have owned more property than the king of England except for the fact that he usurped the throne and became King Henry IV).  I will never forget the Lancasters.  I may misspell it as Lannister at some point, or mispronounce it, but I will never forget them.

Okay, what am I talking about?  Simple comparisons: Richard I (the lion in Disney's Robin Hood), King John ("too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst" ♪♪), Edward I (the king you really want to die in Braveheart), Edward II (the idiot prince in Braveheart), Edward III (reminds me of Joffrey Lannister as far as the whole mother/uncle [Queen Isabella/Roger Mortimer] thing goes), Edward the Black Prince (cameo role in A Knight's Tale), Richard II (I can see Joffrey Lannister turning into this, except he was taken out by the Duke of Lancaster).

That may only make sense to me, but what I'm excited about is that I didn't have to look any of that up (except Joffrey Lannister's first name... I really didn't like him enough to remember his name).  I could describe each person, their rise and fall, some particulars of their lives, and I wouldn't have to look any of it up.  I'm not bragging here.  I suck at remembering names.  I'm not a names/dates/places type of history nerd.  Movies, books, and Disney just helped me make sense of the tangled confusing mess that is the history of the English monarchy.  Yes to that!

For the sake of catching up to my current studies; Henry IV (Duke of Lancaster, usurped Richard II, I don't have a good comparison yet because the Lannisters really seem like a mix of Edward III, Richard II, and Henry IV, though I don't see them ultimately ruling as well as Edward III did), Henry V (Oh Shakespeare, how many times did I quote this play working at Bunkyo Dai?), and I am now on Henry VI who is familiar from something too, so I'll probably find an association for that one.

Everything you never cared to learn about English medieval history, right?  It amuses me.

This month's goals, challenges, and changes
Getting off the history discussion, I have to say I'm thoroughly frustrated that in two months I have lost neither weight nor size, so I've redrawn my attack plan.  My ankle is still swollen from when I fell back in January, suck, so I don't want to risk doing the 5k challenge.  Instead I'm doing the 100 push up challenge.  I'm also going for 100 sit-ups and 150 squats.  I also got myself a pedometer and am aiming for 10k a day.  I figure I don't walk nearly as much as I used to even when I'm not sitting at a table or desk or on my couch reading or doing homework.  I need to build up my core strength, get some muscle tone, and keep moving.  And whenever I'm at school I'm going to hit the gym a little harder.  Mom and I are also planning on going to the mall on mornings I don't have class and walking.  I'm going for an all-nighter tonight to reset my sleep schedule which has gone all wonky with break this week so that, come Monday, I'm not running on an hour of sleep.

I still need to lose 27 pounds!  It won't happen by summer, but hopefully by then I'll at least be able to fit into some of my clothes.

All of my applications for summer work/internships are in.  Prayers please.  I applied for my UM email account yesterday.  I need to finish my taxes so I can get the financial aid documents in, but holy crap do they have some nice fellowships! And reading their program information, its more than I expected.  I can actually do a thesis, and it's open enough where I can do quite a lot with Japanese history, more than I could do anywhere else in the state.  So long story short there, I'm super excited and in shock and half spazzing depending on the moment.  It's currently at the super excited level.  I haven't heard back about the Normandy class, but I'm trying not to worry about how I'm going to raise the money to go just yet.  I have too much else to deal with for now.  But I am trying to get a new project off the ground related to it.  I might have time today or tomorrow to actually put some content up, but we'll see.  I was hoping to have more done with my research papers by now, but I'm ahead on a lot of other homework, so that's at least something.

And this post has gotten really long.  Buggering off for now. ^_^ /　♪♪

Progress and Confirmation

I'm going to start out with the happy news, because I am, or at least was and should be, thoroughly geeked about this: I got accepted into U-M's Japanese MA program.  I'm saving this letter!  It's one of the more exciting ones I've gotten in my life time.  Me - this person typing this - moi - I GOT INTO U-M!!!  And last I knew one of my professors hadn't even sent his recommendation, so as of the deadline for the application last month, my application packet was incomplete.  How this happened, if he sent it or if they let it slide because they liked the rest of my application, I don't know.  And it's funny too, because I was talking to one of the professors at my university the other day and he told me U-M's history department wasn't taking grad students this year... (and that they didn't have anybody there working in the era I want to focus on so aside from the language program, his advice was not to bother with them).  Anyway, that's two bits of fantastic news two days in a row.  He's willing to work with me on independent study (and asked if I would be doing thesis track, and he said nothing about being opposed to helping me out with that, so that's better than nothing), another of my professors is being a fantastic cheerleader and helping me with letters of recommendation for internships and courses (research course in Normandy [!!!!!]) and, still up in the air with the department on this one, money for the research course in Normandy.  Then today I got an acceptance letter for the Japanese MA program.  Awesome!

Here's the catch - while I'd be tickled pink to get a  MA from U-M in pretty much whatever, it's basically a master's degree of what I already have which gives me a whole lot of, well, jobs I don't really have in mind as wanting to do for the rest of my life.  They have more advanced language courses, though, and pretty much the only access to medieval Japanese language in this part of the country.  ← I need those!  They also do have Japanese historians in their history department, and a better library / better access to the infuriatingly obscure realm of academic Japanese anything.  On the other hand, they have no history MA, only PhD (and they pretty much only take PhD candidates who already have an MA or are freaking amazing... and while I tell myself I'm amazing to help keep my self esteem from plummeting all the time, freaking amazing is a stretch even on my best day).  And a MA in Japanese isn't going to get me into any of the history PhD programs that I want.... Okay, so dilemma, but I FREAKING GOT INTO U OF M!!  This dilemma will sort itself out!

So, when I started typing this I was all down about housing for the fall and figuring out how to afford living expenses even if (and this nice happy bubble will burst if this "if" doesn't happen) I get a TA job to cover my tuition.  Actually I broke down in tears earlier and spent the last two hours doing relaxation exercises and reading a stupid book (John Dies at the End - that's actually the title) to try to get over it.  I'm over it for now again, which is good.  I have a couple of other things I wanted to write about - the trip to Normandy and a project I've started on WWII for one, fitness goals and progress for another - but my food is ready to eat, so those two can wait for when I have more time to explain them.

But yay for today!!

Buried in Books

Not that I'm really complaining, as I actually enjoy being buried in a mound of books (not literally, of course, that would be painful), but it does make for busy days and weeks.  I haven't done much else aside from reading for the last three weeks.  I did get to see my great-grandma a couple times and hang out with other family.  That's always nice, especially outside of parties.  I hate parties.

I finished the first of my books for class today, Marines in the Revolution: A History of the Continental Marines in the American Revolution, 1775-1783 by Charles Smith.  So, the title is stereotypically dry, but I thought the subject matter would be interesting... it was, but gah was it a dry book!!  Dates, battles, people, names (ships and people), numbers, weights, and basically a play-by-play of the Marine Corps between 1775-1783.... Fair enough, it's what the title said, but lord was it hard to read.  I liked the maps and journal entries, and it was interesting to go more in depth into the battles since we only spent a few minutes covering Nassau and Penobscot Bay in class, and really skipped over the rest... But basically the story was a cycle of Captain So-and-so commissioned, looking for crew for Such-and-such ship, can't find any because the Navy paid crap and they were actually obligated to engage British ships instead of snatching merchant ships like the privateers, maybe get just enough to get underway, crew nears mutiny, British take the ship or the American officers argue over who's in command and thus the mission ends with the Americans either limping home or in prison.  Definitely not the highest point in U.S. military history. :P  I'm okay with reading dry narrative, but there was a lot of name, number, place, and date overload in it.  And now I get to write a review for class.  I may throw it up here if I remember to once the semester is over.

So the book count is now 3/24.  I'm on track!  And I have a couple more books for class that I'm about halfway through, or more, so amazingly, this semester I shouldn't fall behind in my completed books count.  Last semester was all journals and chapters.

Leaving off on a huge bummer - one of the professors who said he would write a recommendation for me never sent it in.  I'm a bit appalled if not overly surprised.  Mostly I'm just bummed, because it means U-M and WMU are both out, at least for next year, but that means there must be something better for me to look for.

Organizing Stuff

First, just let me say, being a graceful human being must be nice. Ow ow ow and one more OW!!  I am so sore today!  Happily though, while my ankle is doing worse, my wrist is doing a lot better.  Maybe should have iced my ankle as much as I iced my wrist.  Oh well.  Left knee and both shoulders are unhappy today though, wow.  I would like never to fall that hard again, thank you very much.

So I gave myself an extra hour of sleep and hit the ground hobbling this morning.  Patched my jeans and washed them.  They came out wearable.  They were beginning to fray in places anyway, so they weren't the nicest pair of jeans around, but tear on the knee isn't exactly my style.  Got to use the new iron I got for Christmas too.  It's a nice iron!  Picked up the house a bit, since I got behind the last couple of days, then set to my school work.  All set on the WMU application, just have to print everything and mail it tomorrow.  Overnighting it because I am a flake and overlooked the bit about having to mail physical copies to the history department as well as filling out the online application for the university.  UM's was long and terrifying to write up, but seriously Western, can't you just share my transcripts?  Hope those get there on time.  Anyway, I'll be happy when that's all done and I can jump into applying for summer internships and jobs.  It never ends.

Five history classes is going to be interesting.  The total count as of right now is three term papers, three book reviews, fifteen short answer assignments, three "short" essays, three essay tests, five multiple choice tests,  ten reading synopses, and five text books.  This is not counting the African Women's history class which hasn't started yet, though I'm emailing the professor for the syllabus tomorrow if I haven't gotten one yet because we only have three classes and it's supposed to be a writing intensive class.... and we have three text books and I would prefer not to read them all in one week.  The good news?  I finally get to use the voice recorder I got a year ago for a class.  I'm oddly excited about this fact.  No textbook for the class, and a lot of information, so he encourages us to record it.  Sweet!  Got two marines in the class though, and they're already up in arms with him.  Should be interesting.  A friend of mine from last semester and I both had a face-meet-desk moment in our French history class, oh about ten minutes in.  Ah freshmen who feel the to try to prove the professor wrong.  I shudder to think I was like that... but I do remember getting into debates with professors, so I probably was.

Anywho, thus ends my break for the day.  Three more hours before bed, and I intend to spend them getting a bit of my reading done.  Five text books... plus three monographs... well at least I'll stay on top of my 24 books to read this year goal.

Moving Forward

I just hit submit on my application to U-M for grad school.  It's later than I wanted to send it by a week, but I hit submit before their deadline.  Not sure why it takes an electronic application three days to reach the university, but I really hope they don't count that against me.  I've got enough odds stacked against me with this application, but my letters are good, I did amazing on the GRE (89th percentile in verbal, 61st in quantitative, that one was crappy, and 96th in writing), and if I'm supposed to be there, being a middle class WASP from a blue-collar university won't matter.  I am proud of that writing score though. :P  Score was out of 6, I got a 5.5.  And apparently the verbal is supposed to be as hard as the quantitative (math), but I rocked it.  I'm pleased... and in an odd mood.  Injured myself walking today.  It's in my genes, I can't help being a clutz, though the fact that the grass is three inches lower than the concrete on campus really doesn't help my propensity to fall.  My wrist and ankle are pretty messed up, and my knee hurts a bit. I'm furious that I ripped my only pair of blue jeans.  Likely will be hunting for a pair that fits at the Salvation Army this weekend.  Grr.  Driving home was hard, and I had a "need to be somewhere safe NOW" panicky thirty minutes or so, so this evening's been really weird.  I still got my application done though, despite being all achy and brain fuzzy.  I also have an awesome mom who iced my bruises and gave me a big hug today, so that made me feel a million times better.  :)

Now to bed!  Only jobs I found for tomorrow were in kindergartens, and, considering it hurts to stand, I don't think that's wise, so it's finish WMU's application, apply for summer jobs, and hardcore study time tomorrow.  Alas, no exercising for me this week. T__T

Also!! Before I forget, not going to review it cause typing kinda hurts, but I finished book 2/24, Prince Caspian.  I read it before apparently, cause I remembered all of it as I was reading it, but it was a nice, relaxing, talking critters being awesome kind of book and exactly what I wanted to read.  Ok, not true, I wanted sparkling unicorns, but I have a few books in Chronicles of Narnia between me and the sparkling unicorn, so I figured, you know, baby steps. :P  No really bed time.

Lolita

I have an intensified disgust for Lolita style clothing, which, contrary to amazingly uninformed, oblivious, or down-right dense western fans, is a symptom of a HUGE problem, i.e. the sexualization of children in Japan.  It's aptly named.  To some extent, the doll style fashion interested me in the past, but when I stepped back to look at the whole picture, well, I wish I could burn the two doll-like outfits I made (I sold one and made another for a friend).  Anyway, when it comes to the western impression of Lolita fashion, there's no way I can avoid offending people online, and frankly I don't give a rip about offending those people, because as I said, they're either oblivious (in which case, please open your eyes!!) or completely thick and I have no remorse for shattering their rose-tinted glasses when it comes to Japan's modern culture.  I have mentioned before the problem and legacy of orientalism, and I firmly believe anybody who even has a remote interest in expressing opinions and thoughts about Japan in any way should be required to read that chapter.  (The link is to a temporary location, should be active until June, 2012.  I may update it afterward.)

Anyway, I digress, though that rant, truncated because I really don't care to spend more energy on the subject at present, is related to my topic.  Lolita, by Vladmir Nabokov... I don't think I care to go into detail about the story's background, though from a brief search online it appears as though it's completely fiction.  Granted it's, very sadly, far from being an uncommon reality for people, even in the 1950s when the story is actually set (late 40s to early 50s), I spent the last 274 pages thinking it was actually an autobiography, so I'm moderately relieved to know that it wasn't.... at least as far as I've seen. The details of publication and the author's biography are easy enough to find, if you're really interested.  I'm tired of the book, so I don't care to look around any more.  Sorry.

So, my reaction to it... I hated it.  Don't get me wrong, it was well written.  The narrator was what he should have been, and his tone evoked strong emotions.  In the very beginning, I did feel a little sorry for him, if you can ignore the fact that he was an abusive #$@!+ to begin with.  He realized he had a problem.  He was frustrated by it, sought help getting over it, was an addict tempted by a drug, but the moment he contemplated actually taking the drug I hated him.  And yes, I'm using euphemisms here.  The drug happened to be a 12 year-old girl.  My official stance on child molesters and rapists in general, remove the hand that sins... another euphemism.  Anyway, he went from emotional to eerily calm and calculating.  Then as the story went on he got cold and seemed, to me, hateful, then near the end completely nuts.

It was odd reading, because I felt dirty at times, when I wasn't blazing mad, and other times, he would describe a grown woman with such a tone that, as a grown woman, it made me feel ugly.  I don't think I want to elaborate on that one, but I did find it strange.  I put it down several times just to get up and do something completely different to get my mind off it.  It was definitely a relief once Dolly escaped.  I'd known she had to at some point, just by how he was narrating, but it kept getting worse and worse.  Once the narrator cracked it was hard to read in its own way.  Some of it made no sense, some of it was just inane babble that I got tired of reading, and all of his professions of love just made me want to hurt him, severely.

I don't know what the purpose of the book was.  It appears to not have been autobiographical.  The author said it wasn't meant to have a moral.  Evoke emotion?  Make people think?  Isn't that was stories do?  It is what it is, and for that, I (almost grudgingly) have to say it was a good piece of literature.  I still hate it.  It's like 1984, in a way, except I might actually read 1984 again, and thinking about it doesn't make me want to injure someone, and I do use the themes in 1984 as conversation topics... Also, too much freaking French! Why do I not know French!?! ... Anywho, good literature, don't want to read again, glad I got it over with rather than glad I read it.  It's another classic crossed off my list, and score 1/24 for 2012's reading goal.

I don't recommend this book unless you're crossing off a very long list of Books to Read Before I Die.  Yes, that gets italics, because it's a freaking epic list.  I think my next book is going to be mindless, perhaps mind numbing.  I may read the third Southern Vampire Mysteries book... though the last one had some unfortunate themes in it as well, so maybe not... This is when I wish I could stomach something like Harry Potter... Actually I might just try to flip my attention somewhere else.  Read books one and three of that series... Narnia! I have the Chronicles of Narnia.  I will read one of those next.

Okay, it's after 1AM and I'm all grr and yarg and want to shower and get this book off me, so I'm going to shut up now.

2012

I'm going to optimistically say that nothing could be worse than the end of 2010 through 2011 was, and then I'm not going to dwell on all the bad.  Moving right along, I'm not one to do New Year's resolutions, but I am a fan of goals.  Why?  Cause then I get little yay rewards along the way and a nice sense of satisfaction when I can look back and go "Ooh! Progress!!" without the pressure of "Today = suck, so not gonna... damn, I broke my resolution."  Win-win in my book.

I'm only going to briefly look back on 2011's goals, cause, well, if you've read blog this and/or know me, you already know why.  So, my goals:

• 50 books in a year - not quite
• Get back to America with my cats - success
• Get into grad school - still in progress, success if you nix the "grad" part of that

Books I read in 2011:

1. Tennyson, Idylls of the King
2. de Troyes, Eric & Enide★
3. Cliges
4. Yvain, the Knight of the Lion★
5. Lancelot, Knight of the Cart☆
6. Beah, A Long Way Gone☆
7. Machiavelli, The Prince★
8. Bradley, Mists of Avalon
9. Golding, Lord of the Flies☆
10. Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
11. Voltaire, Candide☆
12. Silko, Ceremony★
13. White, Once and Future King☆
14. Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora☆
15. Martin, A Game of Thrones★
16. Harris, Dead Until Dark☆
17. Living Dead in Dallas

☆ means I liked them or they were at least interesting, ★ means they were really freaking good

So, I read 1７ books in 2011.  School happened, and if partial books counted, I could add at least another 20 onto that, but I'm only counting books that I read start to finish.  I possibly missed one or two, but since I don't remember it, and didn't write about it, it obviously wasn't worth counting.  And apparently, no surprise, after February I stopped writing reviews, so only a few have review links.

Anyway, reading goal for 2012, match or better.  I'm going to be ambitious and say 24.  Here's a short list of which ones I'm thinking (I'm running low on King Arthur this year :P)

1. Lolita - almost finished
2. Mozart's Letters, Mozart's Life - probably going to take me all year
3. A Clash of Kings
4. A Storm of Swords
5. A Feast for Crows
6. A Dance with Dragons
7. The Winds of Winter
8. American Gods

And I'm eying the Discworld books and may read more of the Southern Vampire Mysteries if book 3 is less sexy vapidness than book 2 was... if not, book 2 was pretty high on the side of boring outweighing amusing plot, and, even though I read them for mindless urban fantasy, I'm not a huge fan of vapid.   We shall see.  And considering I'm taking 5 history classes this semester... I'll either have all those textbooks included or another three months of being buried under stacks of partially read books and articles.

Ok, so if I put that include that babble in the list, my goals for 2012 are as follows:

• 24 books in a year
• get into grad school
• lose 30 pounds
• pass JLPT N1

Some other things I'd like to do this year, though they're not "goals" so much as "that'd be nice" are:

• have a small garden this summer
• set up an etsy account for my bead guys (active, but there's nothing listed)
• get a job up near Traverse City for the summer
• pack as much money as I can into savings while paying down some more debt
• go kayaking at least once
• go hiking in woods I don't already know at least once
• go camping at least once
• swim in one of the Great Lakes at least once
• have another craft day with my mom and aunts
• win NaNoWriMo

On that note, 2012 is, as of January 2nd, far less terrifying to look forward to than 2011 was.  I can't say I'm excited or anything, though I'm trying to be, but I am hopeful.  I've got my family and friends back, I may be an emotional wreck still, but at least my head is clear, and I have good goals that are within my reach (finally!).

Also, Soushi cat is a bully!  Poor Ophelia just got kicked out of another comfy spot.

This actually isn't the spot (that would be the seam of the two sofa cushions), but he looked sufficiently satisfied at stealing a seat in this picture (from New Year's Eve) that I felt the need to add it.

This is already uber long, but I'm thinking I might make a 2011 in photos post as I continue to procrastinate on my statements of purpose for grad school (I have one intro!).... or maybe that'll be my reward for getting one of the drafts done... we'll see.  At any rate, Happy New Year to everyone reading, God bless you, and I hope 2012 is amazing for everyone.

Smoothie, or Another Attempt at Eating Healthy

While Mom and Gary were living here in the fall, before their Magic Bullet kicked the bucket, mom and I were trying out smoothies for breakfast as a way to cut back on the calories of breakfast foods which, in my case, totaled roughly half of my daily calorie budget.  I'm not one to "diet" in the traditional way of cutting out food if I break my calorie limit and all that, but since I've been back in the US I've gained around 25 pounds, none of my clothes fit, and I feel awful.  So I'm trying to eat healthy and exercise daily.  I've gotten the exercise part down pretty well.  Just about every day I do strength training; lifting small dumbbells, crunches, kneeling push-ups, lunges, squats, jumping jacks, all that good stuff.  I also make an effort to play Wii Fit at least a little bit, and sometimes it intersects with my strength training.  I like the yoga games for stretching, and the balance games are just fun.  Or I'll play DDR for cardio and push myself to either make a calorie count on the "diet" portion of the game or just go for 30+ minutes.  Once I'm back at school I'll have access to their gym again, and I'll get back to running/rowing. I'm also on Fitocracy.com, and I'm now 3/4 the way through level 7.  It's just a nice little incentive, and they have "quests" and a community of support.  If you're interested and want an invite, please let me know!

So that was a bit of a diversion from my main topic, which was smoothies.  My family knows this, I think... at least my mom does, because I HATE yogurt (even with strawberries, hehe, narf).  In Japan, twice I tried to get myself to eat it every day, and both tries lasted over a month.  I know it's healthy, and it is a good little snack, but I hate it.  The Aloe was okay (yes, I know that's weird here in America), and the fruit medley with white peach was passable, only because I love white peach just as much as I hate yogurt, but both times I just got sick of trying to force the nasty stuff down.  So, needless to say, when mom and I started making breakfast smoothies, with a cup of yogurt in each smoothie, despite the yum of the fruit, I kinda choked them down cause of the yarg yogurt.  Well, long story short, grandma and grandpa got a new blender... I think for Christmas, and lately I've been collecting household items since I either left mine in Japan or didn't bother with them in Japan due to space constraints (though I did bring back my rice cooker and kettle... loved those too much to leave behind).  I think the blender came up because I was asking to borrow one, mistaking the name for mixer when I was getting ready to make my Christmas presents (marshmallows).  I ended up buying a mixer for 50% off ($10) at Meijer, so that was nice.  So grandma was getting rid of her old blender and gave it to me.  Today I went to the store for groceries and decided to pick up some stuff to try to make a smoothie.  It.is.delicious!!!!

Here's the recipe if you're interested:

2 cups of frozen fruit - I used the fruit medley with nectarines, grapes, strawberries, and all that
1/4 cup of low fat, organic yogurt - to thicken it
2 tbsp of plain oatmeal
1 cup of orange juice - I had the Simply Orange kind with high pulp

And that's it.  I had the honey out in case I wanted to sweeten it, but I'm glad I waited because it doesn't need it at all.  The orange juice, something I can't usually drink on its own because of the acidity, completely drowns out the yogurt, and it just tastes like frozen fruity yum.  I put the oatmeal in there to have something somewhat substantial in my stomach (and I got the idea from a couple smoothie recipes online, same with the orange juice).  I'm still drinking this lovely concoction, and I keep giving myself the starts of brain freezes because I want to drink it faster than I should.  I may cut back a little on the orange juice next time, so I can taste more of the other fruits, but I'm overall incredibly pleased, considering I guessed at what measurements would be good.  I added up all the calories, and according to my calculation one serving, which is about a 16 ounce cup full, is 366 calories, and 290 of those are from 100% fruit, so that's not bad.  The yogurt was 38 and oatmeal was the same. 

And I can officially say, my stomach is satisfied at the "almost finished" point, though knowing me I'll be hungry in about an hour.  Still, yummy and I figured worth sharing. :)  Maybe at some point I'll get around to sharing the marshmallow recipes Fay and I came up with.